Day 6 12/18/04
This morning I was tired. I got up, stretched, drank some whey and went downstairs to milk the cows.
Lucy or Lisa was crying. It’s hard to tell them apart. Barbie was crying also. I started singing to myself Jack Johnson’s song, “Times like these, times like those, what will be will be, and so it goes.” They stopped crying. I only know some of the words to that song. I started singing, You Really Got a Hold On Me They were just listening and weren’t crying. They’ve never heard those songs before.
“Bischt Meet”, “Are you tired?” “Bischt happy”, “Are you happy?” Marie told me one time that she was putting the girls to bed and they were complaining. She told them they can’t go to bed if they aren’t happy. Now whenever she tells them its bedtime, they say they are happy.
I ate some raw beef fat today. We are making tallow so I figured I would give it a try. It wasn’t that bad. There was some meat on it also and I ate some of that too. I felt okay. I then ate a piece of organ meat that was on it. It looked like a liver or a kidney. I got the same familiar good rush that I usually get from eating raw liver. I felt really good. About an hour later. I started feeling really sick. I went home and was in the bathroom. I was trying as hard as I could to poop, because the pain was coming from my large intestine. It was fluctuating a lot, the pain. I was on the floor praying to God to take the pain away. It was probably the worst I have ever felt in my life. If there had been a button which had said, “Kill parents, take away pain” I would have pushed it. I almost asked them to take me to the hospital. I wasn’t relishing a horse and buggy ride to the hospital.
I went to my bedroom. I drifted in and out of sleep for several hours. I woke around nine or ten and heard Susan and Naomi, Albert’s sisters chatting in Penn Dutch with Marie and the kids. There’s a hole in the floor in my room right by where the stove pipes comes through. I switched to this room because it is warmer. They chatted for a while, then left. Marie started playing the harmonica. It was a familiar tune. One of those songs which has the same rhythm and notes as the Americana ones but with a European twist. I liked hearing her play it. I crawled over to the hole in the floor and looked and listened. I would see Lucy and Lisa dart in and out of view every once and awhile. The music was making me feel good. It was the only thing that was at the time. She stopped playing and started singing. It was the same song and rhythm but she was singing in German, I think. It was really pretty. It made me cry a little bit. It helped me go back to sleep.